Military Protocol
by CatsbytheGreat
Summary: The TARDIS materializes in a military base and the Doctor is questioned.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

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The TARDIS landed with a final thud that sent the Doctor to the floor.

The Doctor took a moment to gather his wits about him before he sat up, dazed, wondering if he would ever get used to the erratic workings of his ship. Then he wondered where his ship had taken him this time.

Had he been accompanied by a companion, the Doctor might have hesitated to step out of the TARDIS without knowing what dangers await. There was no hesitation now, though, because the Doctor was alone. He only paused to straighten his pinstriped suit and run a hand through his hair before swinging open the door and stepping out.

Only to be grabbed forcefully by the arms and dragged away.

The Doctor was so shocked by this. Previously he had stepped out of the TARDIS to find himself facing a wall, to see people pointing loaded guns at him, and to find himself in the middle of space. He had never stepped out of his TARDIS only to be dragged away by….

Well, by what? He twisted himself around in the firm grip in an attempt to see who was treating him in such a terrible manner.

They were humans. Two big, burly men, to be exact. In uniform.

The Doctor sighed. "Where are you taking me?" he asked.

The man on right answered, "To be contained." He had an American accent.

The Doctor frowned, thinking this over. "But why would I need to be contained?"

The man on the left snapped, "As if you didn't know why." He, too, had an American accent. The Doctor determined that he was somewhere in the United States. As he looked around the sparse settings of the building he was being led through, he realized that it must be some sort of military base.

"I wasn't aware that I knew," the Doctor murmured. "Can you at least not make this long? I've got places to be, people to see. I didn't even mean to come here. I'm just a traveler. Really."

"_Really_," the man on the left repeated.

They had reached a hallway that consisted entirely of doors. The two guards opened one of the doors and pushed the Doctor inside, closing the door behind him with a loud snap.

"Well, I wouldn't call that a warm welcome," the Doctor murmured, straightening his suit. He watched as the two guards disappeared. "This would never happen if I had a companion with me. Well, a female companion," he amended, thinking that the reaction of the guards would probably have been even less favorable if he had arrived with Captain Jack Harkness, who always made quite the impression.

He glanced at the ceiling and saw that a camera was trained on him. With a sigh he sat down on the bench near the wall. The camera followed him. The Doctor realized that he would have to wait to be released to get out. He knew that if he used his sonic screwdriver several soldiers would be on top of him immediately, guns loaded and pointed at him.

The Doctor shook his head in disgust. He hated guns, and armies, and fighting. The last place he wanted to be stuck was in a military base.

He let out a stream of air and lay on his back, glaring up at the camera. He hoped that if anyone was watching they would see his displeasure and endeavor to get him out as soon as possible.

Almost as though his mind could be read, the door swung open and a different guard appeared.

The Doctor swung his legs over the edge of the bench and stood up, staring at the soldier expectantly.

The soldier said, "Come with me. I will escort you to be questioned."

"Ah, questions," the Doctor said as they walked through the halls. "I like questions. The right kind of questions, though. I hate stupid questions. Those are the worst. I do hope you lot don't ask me any stupid questions, because I might not have as much respect for you after that."

The soldier said nothing.

The Doctor frowned. "Do you talk?"

They stopped in front of a door. To the right was a glass window that revealed the room, which consisted of a table and two chairs, one of which was occupied by yet another soldier.

"We've arrived."

The door opened and the Doctor stepped inside and strode over to the chair, taking his seat. He leaned forward, folding his hands on the table and grinning up at the man opposite him.

The man did not look amused. He simply said, in a gruff voice, "My name is Lieutenant Michael Taylor and I will be questioning you today."

"Nice to meet you, Lieutenant," the Doctor said, extending his hand to shake that of the other man's. When no handshake was forthcoming the Doctor withdrew, feeling slighted. "Since we're on the topic of introductions, can I ask you a question?"

"I am the one asking the questions," Lieutenant Taylor said. He looked down at a sheet of paper in his hands. "Apparently you are here after having appeared in a blue police call box in the middle of the cafeteria."

"That's where I ended up!" the Doctor exclaimed, laughing. "No wonder they were so upset—I interrupted their lunch!"

The Lieutenant lowered the paper and glared at the Doctor. "There are several witnesses. We believe this police box to contain dangerous technology and as such, we must contain both it and you until proper information is given. Tell me your name and origin."

"Well, that's a bit of a tough question." The Doctor rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I'm called the Doctor by everyone, and I'm originally from the planet of Gallifrey, though you probably don't know about that. But I've made London sort of a second home. Hence the police box." He leaned forward and added, in a lower voice, "It's not really a police box, you know. It just _looks_ like that."

"I see you're not taking this seriously," the Lieutenant snapped. "Stop this nonsense about different planets and fake police boxes and tell me your real name and origin."

"If you want to play that way," the Doctor muttered, rolling his eyes. Then he sat up straighter and said, "I'm John Smith from London. Sir!"

"I need to see some form of identification," said the Lieutenant, clearly done with playing around.

The Doctor reached into his rather deep pocket and took out his wallet, flipped it open, and held it out to the Lieutenant for inspection.

The other man regarded it wearily. "It's blank."

"Oh!" The Doctor immediately withdrew his hand, shock written all over his face. "That usually works." He eyed the other man with something like amazement. "I never would have thought that _your_ mind was strong enough to see right through it. No offense."

The Lieutenant glared at him. "So you have no form of identification. Very well, then. We will hold you and your _police box_ indefinitely until someone can sort this out."

"You say 'police box' like it's a bad thing. And I'm very good at sorting things out myself. I don't need other people to do it for me."

"This talk is over." The Lieutenant made to stand up, but the Doctor sighed and leaned back in his chair, putting his feet, clad in trainers, up on the table in a gesture that made the stunned man take his seat again.

"No, this talk is not over," the Doctor said. "Actually, I've got a lot of explaining to do, so you better get comfortable. I think it's going to take awhile, and while it might seem impossible, it's not. I swear that every word I speak to you is true, and if you want proof just ask for it. I can show you, but people generally prefer that I talk to them about it, so I do. You don't look very comfortable, you know—"

The Lieutenant was grinding his teeth. "Just explain."

"You sound like a Dalek," the Doctor muttered. He took a deep breath and seemed to let it out with his explanation. "I'm called the Doctor. That's my name as far as everyone's concerned. Some people call me John Smith. I rather like that name, so I use it sometimes. It's more sensible than 'the Doctor', but a bit boring all the same. I use it when I don't really want to be noticed. So, anyway, I'm not a human. I hope you know that. I have two hearts. You can feel them if you like, though it might look odd to those blokes standing outside.

"Anyway, I'm not from London. I wasn't lying when I said I was from Gallifrey. It was…my home planet, all the way across the universe, until the Time War destroyed it and my people. You see, I'm a Time Lord, but it's much more than that." Here, the Doctor leveled his gaze with that of the Lieutenant, who seemed at a loss for words. "I'm the last of the Time Lords. I wish I could change that, but I can't." And he lapsed into thoughtful silence.

When it seemed that the silence had lasted entirely too long to be justified, the Lieutenant shifted. This seemed to make the Doctor aware of his surroundings. He straightened and seemed to brighten. "Well then," he said, "enough about me. You wanted to know about my 'police box', as you like to call it. Well, it's not a police box. It's a TARDIS. Stands for Time and Relative Dimensions In Space. It's bigger on the inside, and it's disguised as a police box to be, you know, inconspicuous. Sort of like your military planes and stuff but much better. You have to love Time Lord technology. It exists in two different dimensions.

You can only imagine the trips I've taken in that thing, traveling through the whole of Time and Space. I've been to the end of the universe, the beginning. I've been to other universes. I've even died, apparently, in one universe. Let's see…You wouldn't even believe the things that happen without you lot noticing. Like the time I was on that space ship Titanic. It didn't hit an iceberg. It did almost crash into the Earth, though. But wait—that's got nothing to do with the TARDIS. Yes, well, my TARDIS is a great ship. She exists in two different dimensions, which explains the 'bigger on the inside' bit."

He paused for breath, and then lowered his feet to the floor and sat up straight, looking pointedly at the Lieutenant. "I hope that explains it. It's really not that difficult to understand, but it's a lot to take in. I don't normally tell people all that at once. But you wanted to know, so…"

The Lieutenant's eye twitched. He placed his hands on the table and glared at the Doctor. "Get out."

"That's it?" the Doctor asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise. Even as he did so he stood. "You're just letting me go?"

"Just…get out. This military base is not an insane asylum. Just go to your little police box and _get out_!"

"Fine!" The Doctor turned on heel and pushed through the door. The Lieutenant, after a moment, followed him, if only to see exactly how this insane man would leave.

The Doctor was perfectly aware of being followed but did nothing to avoid it. He simply went through the many hallways, using his memory as a guide. (He had a great memory. It went with being a Time Lord.) Soon he emerged in the cafeteria, in the middle of which stood a blue police box.

"Ah, my TARDIS," the Doctor said, and without any other explanation he opened the door and stepped inside.

The Lieutenant stood there and waited. He expected nothing to happen.

A strange groaning sort of sound filled the air. It took a moment for the Lieutenant to realize that it came from the police box, and then he noticed that the box seemed to be disappearing, fading in and out in time with the groaning sounds. After a bit of this fading in and out it disappeared completely, leaving behind only a soft breeze and the echo of sound.

The Lieutenant stood there, speechless.

Inside the TARDIS the Doctor smirked. He leaned against the TARDIS and said, "You know, I never get tired of messing with important people who think they know better."


End file.
